Turn your washing machine into a profitable habitat

With Laundromapp you can easily keep track of your life form's daily growth rates, sensory development, first words and desires to obliterate mankind.

  • Built-in sentience detection

    Built-in sentience detection

    We take security very seriously, as soon as your life form starts filing its taxes, a highly complex system of luring it with cookies to a farm where nobody can visit him kicks in. So rest assured!

  • Nutrient manager

    Nutrient manager

    Take molecular gastronomy to a new level with a balanced diet of sweaty socks and greasy turtle necks, all managed automatically by the app. Your life forms will become snobby food critics before you know it!

  • Auto-symbiotic connectivity

    Auto-symbiotic connectivity

    To get the most out of your life form’s properties, our app provides gene therapy to build its self-esteem and simultaneously sequence its genome, just in case it might try to blackmail you in the future.

  • Community-built plugins

    Community-built plugins

    An extensive workshop of plugins provides language courses and cute little RNA bowties to put on your life form. We’re proud to say that our plugins haven’t caused a global emergency in 25 years. On land, that is.

Produce organic, gluten free GMOs.

We don’t believe in artificially synthesised DNA, as the required intracellular beyoncephanites and coagulated disco glitter put a great burden on the environment.

Shop colunders
  • Solid cloud server

    Our cloud server once had a 60% chance of being featured on the weather channel.

  • Liquid hardware

    We liquidate our hardware by exposing it to a stream of puppy videos.

  • Gaseous streaming

    We vaporize any life form before uploading, which is necessary for cloud formation.

Listen to our clients who, we swear, we didn't grow ourselves.

Order today and it will not be yesterday

Laundromapp is easy to assemble and requires no scissors.

Get scissor anyway

Our plan includes:

    • A microscope to study your life form's fashion sense.
    • 'Micro-parenting for Dummies' to crush your life form's dream of becoming a fashion designer.
    • An instruction manual on how to handle global pandemics (i.e. puberty).
  • Discover your washing machine's true potential